only to delete and restart it all over again. How much do I want to say? What do I want to focus on? Who do I want to reach? Will I regret anything I put into print? What happens if Uncle Henry decides to go blog hopping one day?
The truth is: I want to say it all. I want to focus on everything going on in our lives. I want to reach as many people as possible in hopes of educating people on Liver Disease, on CRPS, on the trails and joys of medical families, on how hard it is to be a care taker. And how it actually feels to not know if you’ll have a home next week or not. Will I regret anything? That’s a possibility. I tend to over share. But I want to tell the complete ugly nasty sometimes happy joyful truth. And if Uncle Henry suddenly decides to go blog hopping, I love ya Uncle Henry, but this is our lives. And if I’m not afraid of offending my 83 year old uncle, sorry folks. I am who I am and that’s not going to change. I do kind of like who I am.
I also want to have fun, I want to be able to vent. I want to stay away from religion and politics. (a dangerous duo if you ask me) But I don’t want to be afraid of sharing an honest opinion. A lot of history goes into this story and family dynamics (or in our case lack of) And it’s hard to swallow at times. Everything is complicated and while I am not a victim, at least how I see it, sometimes it sounds like I am trying to paint myself to be.
I am a reasonably intelligent, mature woman. I own who I am. I own up to my mistakes and I make a heck of a lot of them. Especially when I am desperate and lets face it, I am literally in a battle with my son for his life. I am desperate. But it’s time for the crap to end, the real story to get out and I do want people to keep in mind that although this is my story, my point of view is not the only point of view. Just like I have my own reasons for making different choices in my life, others have their reasons for the choices they made as well. There is no one truly evil (minus one unmentioned) here. I won’t make excuses for myself, and I am not going to make excuses for anyone else either.
That said, I guess soon it’s time to end this post for now and begin on our journey together. I hope it’s fun, educational and that you know that it is from the heart. I’ll be sharing my tears, my fears, my heart breaks and lets pray for the joy. He deserves it.