Jim and I met in June of 1989. We were working in a plastics factory making plastic bottles. He had been there a year, it was my first day and I had a rather large, mean boyfriend. I ditched the boyfriend by August and by September, Jim and I were dating. We married in August of 1990. In February and in June of 1991, we miscarried our first two pregnancies. After that, I was terrified of trying again. So, we enjoyed our nieces and nephews. Jim has 2 older brothers and a sister and I have 3 younger sisters. When we first married, His brother had Rebecca and Justin, His sister had Deejay. My sister Suzette was very pregnant at our wedding, Levi was born the next month. In the years that followed, Jim’s sister had Kenny, twins Jeremiah and Sammy, followed by Sarah and his brother had Jessica who we never really did get to meet. Justin was taken from our lives, but Mike married a wonderful woman named Jamie who has a beautiful daughter Kelley. I still consider her my niece.
Jim’s brother ended up in prison for sexual assault on a child. I don’t blame his ex wife for taking the two youngest children and leaving the family. Granted we did miss seeing them grow up, but I was soon going to be doing something similar. We found out Jamey was coming during his trail phase. I swore he would never know my children, and I kept to that as much as possible.
Jamey was born four days before Jim’s 27th birthday. 8 pounds 5 ounces with a full head of hair and able to hold his head up and look around the nursery at a day old. He was a c section birth, they called him sunny side up and it took years for me to realise that that simply meant he was turned the wrong way to be born naturally. He did turn jaundice, but natural sunlight and lots of breastfeeding fixed that. On his recheck he was good. He was beautiful, still is.
At around 3 months, he came down with what I just thought was a common cold. After a week, I tried to get him into his pediatrician, she said it was a cold, 2 weeks later, I tried again, she refused to see him, I went on a rant and took him to the ER and switched pediatricians. We walked out of the ER with a steroid and albuterol. And that began two years of emergency room visits and doctors appointments. Tubes in the ears. The asthma finally was under control when we moved to Colorado when the plant we were working in closed down.
We were in Colorado almost three years when Ed came. We were both 31. We knew there would be no more after him. I have never resented not having a little girl. I do tell the boys that my order for a granddaughter is already in though. Ed was so tiny compared to Jamey. Just short of 7 pounds at 6 15.
Eddie was 3 months old when Jamey was playing with him on the couch while I got a bottle. He fell on him. With the angle of Ed’s leg and Jamey’s weight at the time, Ed had a green tree fracture of his femur. Five weeks later and a closed children’s service case later, he was just fine. I kept a piece of his cast so that he could beat Jamey with it later. The doctor let me.
Ed was 2 when we moved back to PA after Jim lost his job. I was so homesick. We had been in Colorado exactly five years. Jamey was going into the second grade. Jim went back to a seasonal job he had here for a while, then changed jobs. We stayed in my hometown. His parents rarely had anything to do with the boys, Mike was out of prison, I refused to allow him around the boys and it just seemed like everytime we were there, he showed up. It lead to a lot of resentment. Plus the little thing of me turning him in for living with his girlfriends underaged daughter and grand daughter while she was in jail. My belief is that a pediphile doesn’t change. And no one will be able to convince me otherwise. I admitted I made the call a long time ago, I’m not ashamed.
It’s important to note that the boys had a pediatrician in town at the time. Honestly, in hind site, I should have switched sooner. She was very old school, she wouldn’t test for ADHD even with the schools recommendation and everytime we were in there, she made horrible remarks about Jamey’s weight. Yes he was and still is big, but the way she put it… “If you keep going you’re going to be too fat to fit through a door” (yes literally) I never did trust her, but the convenience of not having to find a ride out of town… Not an excuse. I also should have had Jamey in therapy because he went through a period at eight years old where he was extremely angry at everything. The family went through a year and a half of anger management, but I should have had more intense therapy for Jamey.
Jamey was kind of a lone wolf. His group of friends has always been small, but loyal. He has some darned good friends. In seventh grade, he finally got to do the one thing he had been looking forward to since leaving Colorado, football. We couldn’t afford the mini leagues and they have a weight restriction which Jamey never met. Jamey was not a star player, but he loves the sport. He still wants to coach later in life. Up until the age of 15, we only had minor injuries, a few broken bones and less than a handful of asthma attacks. His sophomore year, that all changed.
I won’t bore you with the entire 4 year nightmare. He has early NASH related cirrhosis of the liver, portal hypertension without variances, an enlarged spleen, psoriasis, CRPS believed to be in his liver and bile ducts. A congenital deformity of the liver, bile ducts and gall bladder that led to a duplicated gall bladder. Pain in his shoulders, hips and knees. And daily chronic migraine. We go next week to figure out if he has a recurrence of Pseudotumor cerebri. And there is a possibility that gauze was left inside when his gall bladder was removed. right now, the risks of surgery outweigh the benefits of an exploratory according to surgery.
He is in a credit recovery program through our high school in order to graduate. He is still doing 11th grade classes. And it looks pretty dim n getting him to go very much this school year. In PA he is guaranteed an education until he is 21, so we do have one more year. Pain is keeping him out. The major one being the upper abdominal pain (both sides now) and
Ed is now playing football, and he’ll be going out for track this year. We consider it a good day when I can get to the games, it’s fantastic when Jamey can. In the past 4 years we had to give up our home and move in with my parents. We were thrown out when it was found out that I refused to get rid of the boys pet rats. We stayed with Jim’s sister for a few months and ended up back here at my parents to keep Mom out of a nursing home. Ratless, but we do have Pharoah, our pet ferret. Mom has end stage COPD, CHF, and numerous other issues. I live in daily fear of what will happen when she passes. Some days I don’t believe Dad will throw us out, others I’m positive thats what he will do. I gave up my job in order to take care of Jamey and Mom. Jim works for a wonderful small company and makes decent money, but the co pays are insane. We haven’t been able to save up anything towards the future. And i’m still not able to leave him alone for very long, and some days not at all. He’s been loosing time, sleep walking and sometimes just doesn’t remember what he’s done. It could be medication, it could be his liver. We just don’t know. But he has a horrific temper at times and thankfully, most of the time, I can calm him down and unruffle feathers.
So there it is in a nut shell.