Lately I have been extremely unmotivated and disorganized. I have never been organized in the first place. I’ve tried. Honestly. I was trying to follow FlyLady for the longest time off and on for several years. When I found my control journal buried in clutter, I knew I had failed. I know I am juggling a lot already, but getting organized seems impossible. I tend to fly by the seat of my pants most of the time. While doing it this way, a whole lot ends up forgotten or undone.
When I try to tell myself to just get up and do it, I usually find myself completely distracted by anything other than what I should be doing. And motivation is difficult to find. It doesn’t help that, it seems. nothing I do is ever good enough. More is always expected. And that alone is very discouraging. If I get the kitchen done, I hear remarks about what needs done in the dining room. It’s never ending and very overwhelming.
We currently live with my parents. My husband works full time plus overtime. My Dad is retired and my Mom has end stage COPD. She can’t do most things for herself. I have two that are in school, one that has chronic, life threatening issues, one with some issues of his own and who is in sports. I’m trying to juggle getting the oldest back and forth to appointments 45 minutes away as well as back into school and making sure the youngest gets to his practices and home. (thank goodness for neighbors who are willing to help!)
I’m in charge of making sure three people take their medications, all three will forget if left on their own. Two of those are multiple prescriptions several times a day. And Dad is beginning to hand over more of his medical to me. When Mom is not hospitalized, I am making sure she eats several times a day, getting her drinks and snacks. She can not get to the kitchen on her own. At times she needs help dressing. She hasn’t had an aid in a few months to help her bathe. She just needs help with personal hygiene, she can do the majority herself.
Jamey spends most of his time in his room. On days we can make it to his appointments, we usually end up taking a bus to Pittsburgh at 7 am. Many times we can’t get back until Jim gets off work at 5 pm. There’s days that he just can’t get down the stairs due to pain and dizziness. We try to force the issue of him at least coming down for dinner, but that doesn’t always work out. I usually end up taking his medications to him in his room and trying to talk him into eating something that day.
I rely on Ed quite a lot. From helping with laundry, to taking out the trash. He’ll feed the ferret, run medication to his brother… And track starts soon, followed by football. I want him to have a normal life, as much as possible. He always seems to the raw edge of the deal and it seems so unfair. Especially when for the most part, it’s because I can’t pull it together. He asks for so little and does understand when I have to say no or not now.
I don’t do lists well. They tend to get lost or just lay around. I forget to write things on the calendar. I use my phone for just about everything and am almost completely lost without it. There is no written list of medications, or doctors numbers. Mom’s oxygen suppliers and her doctors and nurses are all in my phone. If they aren’t, I have no idea whats going on. And a rigid schedule is impossible. I have to be flexible or one thing could cause complete chaos. Heck, it does with the current non system.
There seems to be 1001 different organizational groups out there, but not one is set up for someone taking care of multiple people on such different schedules. Some can not be edited to make them fit either and I get so very overwhelmed that I just give up and go sit or take a nap. It’s exhausting. So many people tell me that one person can’t possibly expected to deal with all of this, but I am. There is no other choice. I just don’t know how to get it all done properly.
So, how do YOU do it all? There has to be a way, I just can’t see it.