I am not a girly girl

3416 1I’m also not a tomboy, or a geeky girl. I’m not a “girl” I am an extremely complicated woman and I don’t think the guys in my life fully understand and appreciate that. And one of my faults is that I expect them to without fully explaining it.

I look around and see my friends getting their nails done and pedicures. I’m not really in a position to be able to afford that, and even if I were, I doubt that I would. I do like pretty nails, don’t get me wrong. And I do appreciate pampering. But lets be honest, I hate feet. I think feet are gross. And I hate anyone touching my feet. A pedicure would not be relaxing for me. And getting long nails is just not me. I break them. I constantly have my hand in water. Paying $40-$60 to have weapons of self destruction on the tips of my fingers would be a waste. I have seen a product I would love to try out, and I actually was just recently sent a set (post tomorrow on that one. It’s really a fun post!) Jamberrys. I just have no clue on how to use them. (Anyone have any pointers? ) Pretty nails that won’t take forever and last! That’s a plus for me.

3416 2I don’t wear much make up. I never have honestly. My adult working life began by working in a plastics factory. I wasn’t going to go full face make up for the conveyor belts. And now that I’m taking care of Mom and Jamey, the days I do have some place to go, it’s early morning and I am not a morning person. Getting dolled up to go to the doctors office seems overkill. I think the last time my make up was even used was when I was sewing Ed’s mouth shut for Halloween. (Latex people, not his skin.If he would have let me finish it, he would have looked pretty darned creepy. But, he lacked faith in my not piercing his lips skills.)

3416 7A few things where I am girly? My cellphone case, a love of boots and sandals, and purses. I don’t have an abundance of any of them, but my husband thinks I have too many. I fail to see where 1 pair of heeled boots, one pair of high boots and one pair of sandals is too many. And I may have a total of three purses, two that I no longer use. One super huge, one tiny and one that I can actually fit a few things in without them being forever lost. My boys are in for a HUGE wake up call once they get into the real world with girl friends and wives. I apologize future daughter in laws, I have set a bad example. They actually make fun of me when I want to just look at handbags and shoes.

3416 6When my Galaxy 4 kicked the bucket, we couldn’t afford to replace it with the Galaxy 6 I wanted. I settled for A ZTE Grand X Max. It has a decent camera and it’s a smart phone in a price range I could afford. But it is huge. It’s almost like talking on a tablet. I like it, don’t get me wrong, and with how often I travel to Pittsburgh with Jamey, I needed a cell phone, so I appreciate it greatly. But they don’t make many girly covers for it. At least not that aren’t over the top immature. I am definitely a gadget girl. I am now drooling over the Galaxy 7. I don’t feel that wishing for something that I can’t afford makes me a bad person. I wanted the S6 and didn’t get it. I’m still alive. I’m not maimed in any way. Dreams keep us going. Being able to wait for them keeps us humble.

3416 9I know what my priorities are. And I know the sacrifices I make are worth it. It’s not hard to sacrifice hair coloring when it keeps your son a bit more comfortable from unrelenting pain every day. Getting to a specialist is much more important than that pair of boots that is just screaming my name. And the month of groceries that was bought instead of that S6 was a whole lot more appreciated. I can’t justify buying pretty nails right now when I have had to barrow money to fill prescriptions. The time will come when I can get these things for myself again. I just pray when that time comes, it’s because Jamey is healthy and living his life to the fullest. That he’s not in so much pain every single day. That we’re not worried about what damage the new medication is doing to his already damaged organs. You see, it’s not hard to give up anything if someone you loves life in in the balance. We gave up our home, our sense of stability. Material things mean nothing actually. They can be taken, stolen or lost. I don’t know how I could go on without my sons.

3416 8The real sacrifice here is what was stolen. Jamey’s health. His teenage years. His whole identity. His dreams. The thief isn’t even liver disease. Not yet at least. The thief that’s taken so much is CRPS. Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. That’s also another post, tomorrow. His case is so complex. Even within a rare disease like CRPS, Jamey is rare. It began internally. Most of the time, CRPS begins in a limb. Not my boy, he has to do everything the hard way.

What could you live without if you absolutely had to? What would you miss the most?