Today is complete frustration. People are scheduled to come in and out for Mom, now until 2:00. I’m running on very little sleep. At about 11:30 pm Mom spilled her coffee all over herself which meant a full change. Her blankets still need washed. She’s confused and can’t or won’t even try moving on the bed by herself. Last night she wanted me to pull up her pants without her standing up. I can’t lift her safely. Dad wasn’t much help, he put the pants she was trying to get on into the spilled coffee which added to the laundry load. And then he demanded more coffee.
I’m tired. Exhausted. Frustrated. Angry. I don’t know where to turn and I can’t seem to get a break. No matter what I do, it’s not good enough and that’s enough to make me not even want to try. I can’t seem to get any help from anyone. Half the things I ask for help with, I end up doing myself or they don’t get done. And everyone seems more than happy to pile more things on top of everything that’s happening.
Bathing and bathroom breaks are difficult. And it’s not only because of five other people in the household. My kids are teenagers, one is an adult, and I can’t go to the bathroom in peace. The getting woken up at night is the worst. I get up with Ed in the mornings because the child is worse at waking up on time than I am. Not getting enough sleep wears on me pretty quickly. And I turn into Mega Witch. Mega Witch is not good at keeping her mouth shut. And Mega Witch can’t think when she needs to. Nor can I get the energy to get done what needs to be done, especially without help. It’s a vicious, frustrating cycle.
Jim actually had the nerve to say that “we can’t keep this up” today. I think he was surprised when I corrected him that “We” weren’t doing anything, it is “Me”. He finally sees a partial bit of what goes on here. But he’s not willing to help deal with it. Yes, he’ll throw a load of clothes in or fold laundry, and he’ll help with the dishes, but that’s it. The rest is on me. And today, I would give my right arm for some sleep. Just a little nap.
Off for more coffee and to dust the darned Entertainment system before I get the urge to cry again.