Yeah it’s been a while

OI1593926106_KathyMcCLainOn August 2nd, Mom some how stepped down and broke her ankle. She decided to go into a nursing home until she could walk. On August 4th, I had Jamey at Children’s for a pain clinic appointment where I received the call telling me she passed. All I knew at that time was that Mom was gone, Dad didn’t know, and I was on the third floor of Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh, over an hour bus ride away. Cause of death was a sudden coronary incident. The rest is a blur. I of course called my sisters, I asked if the nurse practitioner we were to see could move up the appointment (which she graciously did, she literally came down from the floor to see see Jamey. I am so very grateful. )  I got a hold of someone from each side of the family, I even remembered to call Jim. I think my exact words were, Mom’s gone, come get us. Daddy doesn’t know.

It’s basically been a blur since. We decided on cremation since there was no insurance. We split the bill five ways. Today all that’s owed is my part. I’m going to have to come up with a little each pay and pay it off with our income tax refund.  Her ashes are temporarily stored in her china cabinet. We will be putting them in the Urn this weekend if we can agree on a time. (in process as I type.)

Everything I look at reminds me of her. Having her remains right here, mixed with my sense of humor is horrifying me. (I keep trying to not to continue to say Mom where ashes should be used. Such as having a box of Mom in the china cabinet… Or left over Mom if all the ashes don’t fit in the urn. And I have failed at least once so far. ) I’ve always known that my mouth would get me into trouble, I just never thought that what I would say would horrify me. I have no filter.

11870793_10152916469027827_8442748185537867240_n

Jim and I quietly celebrated 26 years of marriage on August 18th. On the same day, we heard of a murder suicide in our little community. It was heartbreaking enough before the names were released knowing a family would be suffering, learning that it was a beloved teacher of both of my boys was devastating. The very teacher that inspired my oldest into wanting to become a teacher. LeeAnn Negley was a beautiful human being and will be dearly missed.

This has been a horrible year so far. July 6th, my mother in law passed. While there was no love lost between us, she was my husbands mother. His brothers and sisters will feel the loss more than us, but even though Jim hides it well, I know it bothers him. My boys barely knew her, which is not something that I am particularly proud of, but it was necessary. It’s a long drawn out story that involves personal choices, both theirs and ours, child molestation, abuse…. We did what we felt was best.

13920807_10153583871842827_2388417496506869294_nFootball has started. This picture of Pharoah was taken before Mom passed. She got a kick out of how he climbed in there himself and posed. He’s such a stink pot!

Double sessions are over, daily practice is on. Pictures and Meet the Player night over. We still have Pie Night (or Spirit Night) and the formal grand opening of the new stadium to go.  There’s a scrimmage this week and our first real game next week.

14045754_10153613133797827_6488825109930050704_nSchool starts next week. He’ll be a sophomore. He doesn’t seem overly excited, but then again, theres not been much to enjoy this summer. The boys were close to Mom. She could ask Ed to do anything and get it done, hell she didn’t have to ask at times, he just did it for her. Jamey enjoyed many a late night talk with her. They are both dealing in their own ways. As long as they keep talking, I’m not overly worried. Jamey was acting out a bit more, but he’s settled down.

Jamey has been getting out of the house more often. We’ve all taken up Pokemon GO. Anything that could get him moving is something well worth it. We’re walking at least a mile a day, which is fantastic. He’s been to a few practices and even went to Meet the Player Night. He went from being in bed almost constantly, to pushing himself sometimes too much, but it’s working. He already has increased mobility in his knees, and is hoping his hip follows suit.

I have my moments. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a mess. It used to drive me nuts when I had to plan out everything for just a simple outing just to make sure Mom had what she needed and that she wasn’t left alone. Now I feel like I’m forgetting something everytime I walk out the door. I am forgetting a lot of stuff. I have to return the Urn catalog to the funeral home, I need to take Mom’s insurance card to the fire station, I need to make several appointments. I really just need to get my head on straight and get it done. I also need to finish washing her clothing and get it bagged, box up her yarn, and anything else that needs to be donated/gotten rid of. I’m just having a hard time actually doing it.

Her bed is gone, but her sheets and blankets are in the basement. A can of Mountain Dew with a straw in it caused a complete melt down. I’m having trouble with FaceBook and Twitter. Mainly because I would discuss different things with her.

It’s not all terrible and tears. We’re having some laughs. Dad’s dealing much better than I expected. The shock is wearing off. And it did feel so sudden. I thought I was prepared and I found out that I wasn’t at all. I know I am in no way prepared to deal with her ashes this weekend. I will, but I don’t know how well. Other than that, I can only take it a day at a time.