This will be my first official Coffee Chat even though I’ve been chatting with ya all over coffee since the beginning of any of my blogs. We were asked “What was your biggest lesson learned in 2016?” Well, that’s a hard one, because 2016 was full of hard, tough lessons.
The biggest one was “You are never fully prepared no matter how much you think you are.”
When I walked in, all those years ago, and saw her on a ventilator: I thought I was prepared for the worst. When they told us to call in the family then, I thought I was prepared. Every Time they told us that she didn’t have long, I thought I was prepared. I wasn’t.
That phone call hit me straight in the solar plexis. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I know I got through all the phone calls (seriously folks, don’t ask if someone is kidding if they call to tell you someone died while they are in a straight up panic. ) I know I some how got through Jamey’s appointment and got home. But, I got hit again when Dad came down those stairs on the phone. I did NOT want him to learn that way. Everything else is a blur (other than my sisters playing on Mom’s stabilizer bar like it was a stripper pole, but that’s another story for another day.)
My Mother in Law died the month before. We weren’t in contact because of my brother in law. Any time we had gone over before, he was there, and I refused to allow him around the boys. He spent 6 years in prison for molesting his step daughter. My In Laws decided to take his side over the fact that I would not allow the boys around him. We lived with it. I have no regrets. And then, every time my Mother in Law saw Jim, she called him Micheal. That hurt. He wanted nothing to do with it. I can’t blame him. Two losses in less than a month. My aunt made three.
It’s still hard to talk about Mom. We’ve passed the five month mark now. Her birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving and New Years are over. My nephew, the oldest grandson, was married afterwards. We still have a few firsts with out her to get through.
A long time ago, when Jamey first became sick, I learned never to even think “What next?” or “What else?”. The universe has a funny way of showing you. And not with any thread of comedy.
You can’t prepare. You can’t expect. And even going with the flow? Sometimes you sink to the bottom. It’s a heck of a fight to reach the top again. I’ll let you know when I get there.
What was the biggest lesson 2016 taught you?