I can’t figure out this sense of dread

Ok things are not the greatest right now, but the rent is paid, there’s food in the kitchen and I get paid tonight. So why do I feel like something big and bad is on it’s way?

Do you ever get that? Or is it just anxiety showing it’s ugly head? I don’t think I’m physcic or anything. Hell, I wish I was so that the phone call about Mom wasn’t such a kick in the solar plexus. Seeing the fire coming could have saved Pharaoh.

I’m going to put this down to anxiety. I started a post this morning about how stressful going on Facebook and Twitter has become. And since then, two people have died in a fire. It turned into a rant that’s better off left unsaid. I want to focus on my future, not my past nor my fears.

But, I’ll eventually have to make peace with both.

I know part of the anxiety is figuring out how to pay for a car. Trying to save the Caliper, I got us behind in rent by a month. In my optimism, to get caught up, I wrote post dated checks to the land lord for each of Jim’s pays to get ahead for February and gave them to him. I thought I had time. Now, I may have to call and see if he’ll hold off two weeks on all of them. It would mean that we’re still caught up in January, but February’s rent would be a few days late. Yes, I’m dreading the phone call.

Update: It was children who died in the house fire.

Dear Lord, I know there is no comfort anyone can give this family, but please allow them to have loving support to get them through this tragic time. Give them the gift of listening ears and shoulders to support them. Please don’t let them face this alone.

Amen.

No. I am not the most religious person on Earth, but I am trying to live faithfully. I believe in the teachings of Christ, but I feel that the Church of God has been corrupted by man. (And that is my religious philosophy in a nutshell.)

My boys are up. Ed’s eating the gingerbread train. I’m thinking it might be time for breakfast, then time to clean. The dining room and living room are already almost done. The bathroom and the boys room will take the most time. Possibly less than an hour tops if they would just do it. That’s the frustrating part.

I will keep my promise. I will NOT allow electronics nor buy an Xbox until that room is clean and kept clean. I will be getting a couple of computers with in the next 6 weeks, but if they don’t do their part, they won’t be using them.

I keep telling them that, they keep saying ok. I guess it will come to the time when I have the money and end up putting it on a gift card instead of a gaming system…. I have to remain consistent. Something I’ve strayed from the past few years. With Jamey so sick, we spoiled them and got ourselves in trouble. Now…. I’m not going down that path again.

It could just be that I have spent so much of the past few years waiting for the other shoe to drop, that I can’t really relax. Nothing going on right now is life or death. Jamey’s health is improving. If I can get the money up for the car, it could very well be a blessing in disguise. Work is going well for both of us. Things look good for the future as long as we handle these few hiccups right.

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