A new use for an old category

me·an·der·ing
mēˈandəriNG
adjective
1.
following a winding course.
“a meandering lane”
synonyms: winding, windy, zigzag, zigzagging, twisting, turning, curving, serpentine, sinuous, twisty
“a meandering stream”

This has been a great metaphor for my life for quite a long time. It’s time to change that. Instead of following the beaten track, I need to forge a straighter one to reach my goals in more than one area of my life. Right now, Accountability will help with the organization and homey parts. There are a lot of personal areas in my life that need work as well. A lot of work. I am a perfectly flawed imperfect human being.

There is no one I want to be better than other than who I was yesterday. I have many role models though. While I will focus on my home and family on Sunday’s with Accountability, Monday will be my personal accomplishments and with February being the month on The Blog Dare focusing on why we blog, I will begin with my blogging habits. This week will be rough. I’m running a fever, sneezing my fool head off and I’m still not very sure in which direction I want to go with things. But I do know that I feel better when I blog. It’s both relaxing and challenging.

In High School, I used to love writing poetry. I haven’t found inspiration in my adult life though. The moody teen has grown into a complicit woman. OK not so complicit, but I do worry about offending others. I need to figure out a way to keep both sides of myself. I can be a freak without destroying my standards. I’m not as freaky as some though…. When they say that it takes all kinds to make the world go round, they are not joking.

I have always wanted my blog to be my voice, but the circumstances in my life keep changing. Jamey aged out at Children’s, I don’t identify as completely with medical parents because I am now an adult care taker once again and he is needing less and less care as time goes on. That is a GOOD thing. Both of us need to find a way to go on with our lives still dealing with chronic issues. And those paths aren’t always going to meet. That’s the parenting part.  He’s begun focusing on his own path in life, I need to be encouraging that while moving on as well. I’m very proud of the two young men I have raised. Jamey is just now realizing that he does have a future, I just have to keep reminding him that it is bright. That is my parenting path. A very personal path.

Maybe instead of changing the world, my blog is to change me. A voyage to self discovery in a very public way. My own public display of midlife crisis. I have a lot of good aspects in my life. Two great kids, a husband I love. A job I enjoy. We are happy. There is nothing there that I want to tweak. I do want to change things to keep us on a positive happy path though. To help the boys reach success and I do need something to do while Jim is out with his outdoor activities (and lets face it, I am NO Suzie Homemaker.) The past 10 months have taught me that faith does play a much larger part in my life than I originally thought. I still have issues with organized religion, but I have seen a lot of good in humanity. I want to be part of that good. I just don’t know how to be.

I sound like a hypocrite when I say I have issues with organized religion, yet I have faith. My issue isn’t with God, my issue is with mankind and it’s twisted philosophy. And I can see why some churches have become jaded. Humanity can be so tainted with evil. When I say evil, I’m not talking about premarital sex or homosexuality, because quite frankly, what happens between two consenting adults is none of my business. And the only marriage I need to worry about infidelity with is my own. While I personally might think that a cheater is a flawed person, it’s not my place to judge them. I mean evil as in those who manipulate situations and people to benefit themselves while hurting others. Those that physically, mentally or emotionally hurt or kill others.

Back to the current goal. My blog.

I know where my faults are.

  • I focus too much on graphics. Before the fire, I had made graphics that I never used and never found reason to. I need to simplify that. I have always loved the scrapbooks people put together, but they don’t always make workable blog graphics.
  • I tend to go into periods of negativity where I don’t post at all. At Home with TerrorMom was always meant to showcase my entire home life. I need to find the balance between venting and gushing. Not everything is extreme. Some of the very best times in life are very often found in calm somewhat boring situations. And life is not always beautiful or exciting.
  • I often find myself not knowing WHAT to post. The most successful bloggers have made full time jobs out of it. I don’t have that luxury. I don’t have a marketable skill. Blogging will most likely always be my hobby. But thats not a bad thing. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t get organized and plan things out instead of popping everything off the top of my head. And at times, being an opinionated pain in the rear is a marketable skill.
  • When I am on the blogging train, I have a tendency to forget everything else. It’s part of my obsessive, addictive personality. I need to find the balance there as well. I need to be more well rounded and not just in the hip area.

It will take time, but I do have time now. It will take work, especially since it’s not the only area in my life that I am focusing on.

 

Why do YOU blog? (if you do)

 

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